A lot of couples have called my husband on this issue in the past few days.
This could be like a night mare, when you discovered your spouse is having an affair.
Your spouse is actually ‘cheating’ on you.
You should know that there is a good and a bad way to handle this.
Joh 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
There is always a God way and a man way to achieving things. Dealing with this issue of infidelity is not left out.
The issue of unfaithfulness should be treated intelligently, strategically and prayerfully.
Things you may want to take note of that will help you handle the situation well.
1. Can you trace the issue of unfaithfulness to the time of courtship?
Were you and your spouse involved in pre-marital sex?
Did you notice any form of cheating while courting?
If the answer is yes, then the issue of unfaithfulness is not a ‘now’ thing.
2. Ask yourself, have I been careless in any way?
This is not to blame yourself, nor have a pity party or be self condemned.
It is to be true to yourself.
This helps you to identify loopholes to cover.
3. Is your spouse repentant?
Genuinely? Is he/she truly sorrowful about this evil, not only to you but to God?
Godly sorrow will lead to true repentance
For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
4. Does your spouse feel sorry and was it a mistake or a deliberate act, a temptation, a seduction, a trap, a revenge or a game?
You can get to know this by his/her words and what actions he/she demonstrates.
If he or she is truly repentant there is hope.
5. Is your spouse ready to be counseled and go and seek help?
This is very important and shows your spouse’s willingness to learn from their mistake.
It also shows humility and meekness. It shows he or she is willing to be accountable and that means a lot.
5. Does your spouse admit he/she is wrong?
This is necessary and goes a long way to know if there will be progress. Denial is not a good sign.
6. Does your spouse see the need for God as the only one who can forgive and give strength against adultery?
Psa 51:3 -4
For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, andbe clear when thou judgest.
These questions are important to find out the real state of things.
It could just be a case of being careless in which case you don’t have to condemn him/her but lovingly forgive and do the necessary things to shut the door against the enemy that seeks to destroy your home.
Unlike popular opinion, you don’t have anything to do with intruder. He /she was just a distraction.
In some cases, you may have to confront the intruder and tell him/her your spouse is no more available but avoid violent confrontations. Confrontation should never be done alone. Get your Pastor, elder, parents involved.
This is necessary for spouses who are timid.
Never waste time and energy exchanging words with an intruder.
You do not have any business with the intruder.
Make up with your spouse and renew your covenant. Plug all loopholes. Concentrate on each other.
I know there are other complications and deeper issues, when the spouse is not even interested again in the marriage or when there is love child involved. We will discuss these dynamics another day.
God bless your marriage
Confession of the day
I handle my marriage with discretion
Prayer for the day
Lord, help me manage the affairs of my marriage well
Thoughts of the day
Marriage is a covenant. I honour this covenant no matter what
I pay more attention to my marriage
Sophia Bolanle Okunowo pastors alongside her husband at Shouts Of Grace Center in Ibadan. She is an administrator with a Health Provider company. She desires to see marriages blessed and fulfilling it’s purpose.