Good day sir, thank you for the good work you and your beautiful wife are doing helping singles to choose wisely and helping the married have a good marriage.

I listened to the answer given to the woman who said she finds it difficult asking her husband for money. I have a similar experience but with some differences.

I am in a long distance relationship (both of us within Nigeria), I stay with the kids. I have issues with hubby as regards finances. Yes, I showed him the day to day expenses in the home some years ago, guy man just looked at it curiously and went out of the room, it pained me so much and it’s still paining me. There have been instances when he’ll say “where do you want me to get it from” “do you want to kill me”. Meanwhile sir, I know he has the money. I wasn’t asking for money for myself, I was just asking for money to run the home comfortably, I see myself as a very prudent woman, I am not extravagant at all and I don’t eat or cook exotic foods sometimes we even eat without protein but I try to provide something presentable to oga anytime he comes home while managing with the kids. Maybe that is one of the reasons he does not agree to the fact that things are not rosy for me. And I also feel he doesn’t have any idea of what it takes to run a family. There was a time I asked him for transport money when I went to visit him and he said “what do I mean, should he give me money to be sleeping with him” and I wondered where he expected me to get the money from. Mind you, I still cook when I go to visit him o and he will not even ask where I got the money from.

Funningly, there was a time we involved a respectable 3rd party into our issues and he was saying “I give people money, why won’t my own wife ask me for money?” I laughed in my mind like seriously, you want me to ask you for money so you can lash out at me and damage my self esteem some more. Thank God we have a house to our names now but I still don’t want to ask him for money for fear of rejection and hurtful words again. I prefer to ask my family which he doesn’t like but I can’t turn myself to your doormat. Infact, at a point I was depressed and started talking to myself. It really hurts sir and it has affected our marriage because I am not communicating with him as I should. Now, I am praying that God should bless me and take me to higher ground. Right now, he is very mad at me cos I asked my family for help again to start something.

In all this, my greatest regret is that I joined my salary with him (meager compared to his salary) and that Iagreed to a LDR. Yes, I have a stipend from the joint budget but it is hardly enough to take care of myself as a woman.

For men, please there are some words that should not be used for your wives. Don’t tell me where do you want me to get it from, it will be preferable to say “babe, we can’t afford this now, we’ll look into it later. Also, reassure your wife that what you have is also hers so she can be free to talk to you. Then, abeg pamper us once in a while through airtime, date nights, movie night etc.

My advice to women is please have an income of your own. Imagine if I didn’t bring anything to the table and hubby is saying stuff like this, somebody’s daughter fit run mad o.

The story is long because there are other instances but I’ll stop here. Thank you for providing an avenue for us to vent sir.

Kindly note that all responses to the questions above are provided and discussed extensively during our WEEKLY Programme, REVIVE CONVERSATIONS which holds at 9.00 pm GMT +1 Tuesdays on Zoom. and also on https://www.youtube.com/@pastordunamis

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